zondag, maart 27, 2011

A very rough guide to Belgium

Belgium. A country everyone loves to hate.

Because, fair enough, we have not a lot to brag about. And an awful lot of reasons to complain. In comparison with our friendly neighbours, we have by far the highest income tax. The lowest pensions. The worst roads. Trains never run on schedule and are prone to collide from time to time. The Brussels and Antwerp beltways are jammed from dawn to dusk. Belgians pay through their nose for Internet and mobile phone subscriptions. Our energy prices rank among the highest in the world. Our football teams are a laugh. We won the Eurovision song contest only once (by bribing the jury). We hosted one of the biggest footbal riots ever to occur. We are home to pervert priests and paedophile rings. Our politicians excel in messing things up. We sold our airline to the Swiss and our banks and nuclear power plants to the French. For a trifle. There is no natural scenery to be found in Belgium, except in the Ardennes. Which the Dutch have invaded. Our climate is a compromise between soaked England and moist Germany. Our villages are ugly blots on the landscape. If you want to settle in Belgium, you will have to learn Dutch and French. And even some German, for crying out loud.

Why would anyone even bother to settle in Belgium? Or even visit it, for that matter. I might come up with a few reasons. Beer and chocolate, obviously. More than 500 kinds of beer, all of them second to none. The

great art cities of Brussels, Ghent, Bruges and Antwerp. René Magritte and Pieter Paul Rubens. 'Tin tin' Hergé and Jacques Brel. Amazing comics. The food, which is better than anything the French can concoct. Top notch fashion designers. Affordable higher education, with tuiton fees hardly exceeding 500 EUR. One of the best healthcare systems in the world. I could rant on like this for ages, but I won't, because you wouldn't believe me anyway. Because I am Belgian. Why don't you ask Ray Cokes instead? He's recently moved to Belgium, for all of the above-mentioned reasons. You don't know who Ray Cokes is? Google him pronto. He's a man of discerning taste, and he loves Belgium. Let him be a shining example t
o you all!

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